Men’s mental health is back in the news and people are once again barking at dudes to open up and talk.
The irony of it is that many of the people who are doing the barking aren’t great conversationalists themselves. You might know them – they ask predictable questions, give rehearsed responses, or don’t really listen at all.
Sure, most people are happy to talk about ‘nothing’. Talking about football, food, coffee, keto diets, or the weather is fine, if life is going ok. But it just makes it a tad difficult for the person who needs to open up to someone about… I dunno… their sex addiction. (I speak from experience).
There’s a wave of toxic positivity that’s embedded in society where it seems offensive to even whisper a raw truth. Sure, if a person’s trauma fits in with the trending hashtags, they are free to talk the legs off a chair. But if someone’s issues fall outside of the societally sanctioned ones, the notion of ‘just open up’ is nothing but an empty invitation, as not all issues are treated equally. So, unless you’re interested in being blamed and shamed and potentially kicked out of a job, men are keeping certain issues to themselves.
Even if their issues do fall within the accepted problems list, podcasters and influencers have now desacralized authentic human sharing by turning it into nothing more than entertainment. Looking to capitalise off the mental health market, these well-being charlatans saturate cyberspace with ‘heartfelt’ admissions accompanied by dramatized background music and stylised and soppy Instagram videos. These bleeding hearts are bleeding people’s wallets – leeching and preaching as they inculcate males with empathy on steroids. And it’s making a lot of men want to Goggins it back to a blokey work site!
Why? Just like many of us can’t accept compliments, men really struggle with how to handle compassion when it’s directed at us. That’s because people like me know how to be strong, but don’t know how to be weak. I want to be heard and understood, but not at the expense of possibly being pitied. And the risk nowadays is there could be too much sympathy in peoples empathy, so it comes across as patronising and rude. Even though it’s not meant in that way.
So, men have the choice of speaking to a benumbed normie or a compassionate sympathiser who uses the conversation to show just how progressively accepting they are of your issues. Making you feel like a fucking wimp in the process.
One of the things that helped me out of my own death wish, was talking to people other than the normies and the compassion crusaders – it was talking to people who really got me.
Toxic people cop a lot of flak, but I would suggest a person struggling with mental health issues find themselves a friend who has seriously suffered. Because the shipwrecked are incredible when it comes to understanding the lingo of the damned. It’s the normal people you need to look out for. They’re everywhere and tend to be bad for your health if you happen to be maladjusted.
My book – SMASHED – ‘Tennis prodigies, parents and parasites’ is out NOW!
